i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
