It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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