i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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