1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I smell stomach acid.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
