She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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