It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
