party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
