Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize