You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
