I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got inside last night via doggy door
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
