; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
