Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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