Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
