I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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