Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
