based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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