Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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