I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
