come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
