he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
