i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
