omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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