by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
