I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
