Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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