it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
