Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
barbara walters just said penis...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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