I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
