Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Your cock deserves a montage
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
