haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
