3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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