if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
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So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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