On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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