Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
