Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
