Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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