we have pet lesbian snakes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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