I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
