So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
