He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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