I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
