how can u be prego again
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
