we have pet lesbian snakes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
