Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
