I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
