my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
