yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
