is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
