I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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