sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
