Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
