my being single is dangerous.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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