I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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