Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
