week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
