My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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