There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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