if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
