So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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