this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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