dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
