What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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