just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
